Deep Ponderings

Sometimes I feel like my life is going nowhere.

I am almost nineteen years old and I don't know how to drive. I don't have a job, I don't make any money, and I don't have anything extremely important occupying my time.
So what do I do every day? I live the life of an older sister with nine siblings and an extra little girl we babysit. I read and go on the computer and play piano and take pictures. Really, that's pretty much it, besides helping to take care of the house and family. I'm not complaining it's just...boring.

I've been meaning to learn to drive...but I've just made excuses that people didn't offer to take me driving, or I didn't want to nag, which are true reasons, but the real deep reason is that I think I'm just scared. I need to call up the driving school near us and see if I can go out driving with an instructor.

And then I was also seriously thinking that I want to take a photography class in the fall, but, oh well, I really should get my license first, not to mention a car. And oh, that cool library job that I read about today? Well it really wouldn't work unless I had my license, but I could volunteer at our library and my family would be willing to drive me. I just always made excuses that I should get my license first.

Linking up to Lily's book challenge

My sisters and I went to a friend's house today, and she was asking about what we were up to. When I told her about how I felt, she told me that I pretty much need to forget about how scared I am, and go for it. She made me say "Yes!" *confidently* out loud, and honestly? It actually kinda helped. I've been wondering what God's will is for my life, and maybe he's using the people around me to encourage me toward what He wants for me!

Tonight I went to a leadership meeting for the youth group I help with, and we were studying part of the story of Gideon and were talking about how he asked God to confirm that he (Gideon) would be the one to lead Israel, with the dew and the fleece. We mentioned how God can confirm stuff that we aren't sure about, even if we don't ask him. And then at one point in our meeting, one of the leaders said "God puts people in our lives to give us direction." I was so blown away by that. First the visit with our friend where she was encouraging me to swallow my fears and step up to the "challenge" and then someone at the meeting (on the same day, mind you) talks about how God uses people around us to tell us what to do. A simple thing to say, but very powerful words for my heart at that moment. Wow. Thank you God.

So that's where I am at the moment. I am frozen in a place where I need to thaw, but I'm scared to thaw. I'm scared to step out of my comfort zone that is freezing me to death, even though I know it will be good for me to unfreeze and move ahead. I'm stuck in a moment that I need to get out of. And now I just need the courage and confidence from God to do that.